students and death.

In ten days, it will have been three years since I've lost my friend in an Avalanche. In ten days, it will also be my birthday. When Patrick died, I was a day into 19, and my life has never quite been the same. While contemplating this fact today, I began to think about the deaths that will inevitably happen when I am a teacher. I continually tell people that the loss of Patrick is a lot harder than the loss of my grandparents. I loved my grandparents, and I miss them a lot, but they were old and have lived a full life...and they were supposed to die. Patrick was 18, and his death came as a total shock to my entire system. Students will face the death of a friend at some point in my teaching career, and I need to be able to help them get through that anguish somehow. The problem? I have no idea how. I don't even know how to get myself through it.

When I was a senior in High School, I lost a classmate in a drunk driving accident. I didn't know him personally (there were over 400 students in my class) but I was still affected by his death. I remembered today that Brandon has a facebook page that was set up by one of his friends our freshmen year of college. Today, there were multiple posts of people writing to tell Brandon that they missed him. Although Brandon doesn't directly get those messages, but I know it makes his friends feel better about his absence.

Every year, I donate money to search and rescue so that perhaps someone else's friend can get pulled out an avalanche alive. I also let my birthday balloons go in hopes that somehow they make it all the way up to mountains in the sky.

Each student will be different, and each death will tough each student differently too. I do think that it is important for teachers to be there for kids when they need someone to talk to. Although we can by no means make the pain go away, we will be able to help kids get through it, as it is a part of life.


Heart shaped tears
Sunshine drips like honey
Over snow-capped mountains
deep breath, girl.

Let go.
Let go of the birthday balloons
so they can become
confetti in heaven.

keep climbing, my friend
help the sun change colors
and the stars find their places
Remember that I love you.