and. It's July.

Well.
It's July now, and I haven't written like I've wanted to for a long time. Deepest apologies. In writing an email to my professor today, I thought perhaps writing in here would allow me to free up some of the space in my mind that is completely occupied by all the things that take over it's life.

So, here we go...in my best list form ever.

1. Getting a job is hard. It's hard not to be discouraged and frustrated. I know that I'm good in the classroom, problem is, I like history -- so do lots of other people. That and a lot of it comes down to having connections in the right places, and I am yet to find that. I spend a lot of time wondering what I'm going to do if I don't get a teaching job. Subbing is completely not my favorite thought as I feel like it would deeply depress me not to have my own set of kids to mold into fine people. That said, it's a job (and turns out, when you live on your own and stuff, you have to pay for all your own stuff...go figure) and it's a way in.

2. I hate/love summer.
I love that I have time to get things done.
I hate that I don't take advantage of it.

3. I spend a lot of time thinking about my kids still. I wonder what they're up to, and enjoy the connections that have been maintained. I wonder what they'll all turn out to be like, and what their future holds for them. Seems that not-so-many years ago I was sitting up in my high school history classroom, or running around the lacrosse field or the band parking lot - and in 8ish years, I have come a long way. I've made some huge life decisions, met three people who changed my life for the better and am on my way to doing something great. The thought that scares/excites me....the amount of kids that I'm teaching is going to multiply endlessly over my lifetime. The chances that I'll run into one of them at the store, when I'm out for dinner, or at the ballgame increase exponentially all the time.

4. I like middle school kids, too.

This is something that I never really thought I'd say.
I would be 99% as happy in a middle school as I would be a high school. Middle school kids are messed up too...and don't hate school quite as much. Sure their intellectual capabilities aren't quite as high, but between drawings of Beavers and Patrick Henry, one of my best friends and I managed to be rather intellectual and creative. Evidence of this sits in my basement in the form of our Favorite students' bill of rights.

5. I don't know where I want to be. I applied for a job up in the mountains, and after a visit up there this past weekend, I was eternally disappointed that they didn't want to even talk to me...as I think I would have loved it up there. However, there are things about the front range all up and down that I find exciting and I often find myself saying "okay, this is where I want to be...for sure!" and then a week later, changing my mind, and continuing to love both.

6. I really wish this whole 'adult' thing wasn't so stressful. I mean, I want to grow up and have a job and and and and and, but that can't be done without the j-o-b. I feel like I am stuck in a parallel universe of ''hi, I'm 22, and yes I live at my parents house still because I'm trying to be my own person, but I haven't found the right fit yet''. Not a horrible universe, but something that is less fun than, you know, preparing for my classes in the fall...

7. So many people say "Don't worry, I got hired 2 days before school!"
That makes me worry a little bit!!!! Yes, you have a job but you do not have a house, or plans for the kids, or anything!! I'm a planner in that sense, and I like to know what's going on. That said, I would be perfectly happy getting hired two days before school starts. I just want to be a part of a staff and have some kids and show them the ways of the world. :)

This is not all overly exciting, I know. But I do think about teaching on a totally regular basis. I want to be in the classroom so bad that I think I might die if I can't be. OK. That was a bit of an exaggeration. But honestly, I find myself thinking about my classroom or my students at least once a day, which is a little bit silly as neither one of those exist. (YET).




But seriously, if this doesn't work out...oh hey colorado rockies....need some help? :)

Peace and love and more writings to come on a more than regular basis :)